Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Dear Anonymous...

I miss you too!  I haven't totally forgot about this blog...but I have all but lost my funny...and when I lose my funny the only things I'm tempted to write are long drawn out super depressing dark humor diatribes about the hopelessness and futility of life...and that's not fun.  So I've been silent.  I've also been in finals...and now I'm working on a paper that was due two years ago.  "What?!?!" you say, "a paper that was due two years ago?  How can that be?".  Well let me tell you how it can be...I've had paralyzing writers block since 2011.  So I'm two years behind on getting my first year qualifying exam in to my department...guess we all know that "qualifying" doesn't really mean a hell of a lot in my department because they've let me take years two and three without passing that damn first year qualifier.  But now I'm in deep shit.  And I mean shit in every sense of the word.  So I've grounded myself.  No funny, no thinking about funny, no ice cream, no trips to the petting zoo, no summer fun until I get this damn paper done and submitted.  Now, I made a half-ass deal with God, and by half-ass I mean I think I thought it a time or two, that if he'll help me focus enough to get this paper done I will do it without using all of my rent money to illegally acquire buckets of Adderall from a undergraduate looking for beer money.  Yes, I'm using the Word of Wisdom as leverage, it's all I have...well I may have some virginity as well but I'm getting old and that's pretty much lost its market value so there's no reason to throw that out on the leveraging table.

So, as soon as I get this paper done (the paper that I lovingly refer to as the "Mother F'er") my critically hilarious awesome self will be back...or at least I hope she will.

Keep your fingers crossed that I finish

5 comments:

Reuben Collins said...

Don't sell yourself short. Virginity is still worth a lot on the open market, especially if you'll allow video cameras.

Good luck with the papers.

Carrie said...

Oh Reuben, that made me laugh.

Jena said...

May the handle of your shit shovel be strong and the blade wide and deep as it plunges through the pile. *salute*

Muriel said...

Anhedonia Carrie style! I wouldn't mind "depressing dark humor diatribes about the hopelessness and futility of life". Good work on getting crap done :)

The Man of Steele said...

Go Carrie! You can do it!