Monday, June 4, 2012

Mind Boggling Revelation

There are two questions I get asked regularly:
"Do you know who you look like?"  and my ALL TIME favorite, "Why aren't you married?"

Now I'm totally fine with the first question because I have a rather generic face and crystal blue eyes, so what follows can't be too horrible.  But that second question...ugh, it's a doozer.

I'm pretty use to answering that question when I meet a new guy.  The conversation generally goes like this,

Him:  "So why aren't you married?  You seem awesome".
Me:  "I am awesome."
Him:  "So really, why aren't you married?"
Me:  "Um, great question.  I've been trying to figure that one out for quite some time."
Him:  silence
Me:  "I'm probably crazy."
Him:  "You don't seem crazy."
Me:  "Yeah, I don't think I'm that crazy.  Maybe I'm just not that cute."
Him:  "No, you're alright."
Me:  "I have no idea, but if you figure it out let me know, I'd like to get it fixed."

I'm also use to answering this question with those in the church.  That conversation goes like this:

Brother/Sister No Manners Whatsoever:  "Why haven't you ever gotten married?"
Me:  "Uh..."
Brother/Sister No Manners Whatsoever:  "Are you too focused on your career or just too picky?"
Me:  "Sure."

What I'm not use to is having this conversation with a spunky 5-year-old.  I was watching my friend's children this evening when this conversation happened:

A:  "I've never seen a bear rug before, well, except for my dad's friend's.  He has a bear rug.  It's weird.  Why aren't you married?  Or are you married?"
Me:  "Nope, not married."
A:  "Why?"
Me:  "Maybe I'm crazy."
A:  "No, that's not it."
Me:  "Maybe I'm just not that fun."
A:  "No, that's not it."
Me:  "Maybe boys are stupid."
A: "That's DEFINITELY not it."  She giggled.
This is when I knew the conversation was going to take an unexpected turn.
Me:  "Then I have no idea, do you?"
A:  "Boys love me.  I once had two guys pulling on my arms trying to kiss me!"
Me:  "Wow, what's your secret to getting these boys to like you?"
A:  "I'm not sure, they just do."
Me:  "Hmmmm, I bet it's your long curly hair."
A's sister (she's around 9):  "It's not her hair.  She plays a lot of sports and doesn't do her hair."
A:  flipping her hair around and looking at me up and down, "Maybe you need to play more soccer."
Me:  "Oh, is that the secret?"
A's sister:  "Don't play tennis.  Guys HATE tennis."
Me:  "Ah, that could be the problem."

The conversation changes to something about Beauty and the Beast and the talking wardrobe.  Then 10 minutes later:

A:  "Yeah, I'm not sure why boys love me.  But I have SECRET.  I'll tell you if you don't tell anyone else."
Me:  "You have a secret about boys?"
A:  "Yep."
Me:  "Ok, spill it."
A:  "I'm in love with ____"
Me:  "Oh really, why do you like ____"
A:  "He's cute and weird."
Me:  "I like the cute and weird ones too."
A:  Looking at me with her big, big eyes, "he acts like a dog."
Me thinking:  "Don't they all at one time or another."

The conversation changes to something about ice cream cake and disco bowling.  Then 10 minutes later.

A:  "Have you tried putting your hair in a ponytail?  Boys love pony tails."
A's sister:  "You should try basketball.  Guys love basketball, if you're on the B team you get to have boys on your team.  Wait, you're probably too old for the B team...I wonder if they have adult teams..."
A:  "Yep, you need a ponytail."

I need a lot of things little A...a lot of things.  But if my singleness isn't because I'm crazy or boring or because boys are stupid...well then, soccer and a ponytail just might be the missing pieces.

I'd like to think little kids are closer to God than I am.

Looks like it's time to buy some shin guards.


Cathy Mc said...

OMG, the part about A's secret almost made me pee my pants.

Andrew said...

This had me bent over in laughter. It's made all the funnier as I heard the 5 year old's interpretation of events before reading this. (in short: "I told Carrie boys really like me")
And here I thought you all just watched the movie silently for an hour...

Angenette said...

I've been trying to get you to play soccer for years!

Anonymous said...

Boys like you......just the way you are, the ponytail helps though.

Mrs. "Lawley-Pop" said...

Nothing like a lil dating advice from a 5 year old!! love it!! I love how she just kept coming back to it! funny stuffs!!

Darren said...

Do you think maybe your last post (Not everything you hear...) and this one are related? I've read enough of your posts to know what the problem is (lack of ponytail aside): you think. And you swim in a potential pool of men who don't want you to think (unless you look outside the LDS pool? Then I have no idea what the hell I'm talking about... ignore me).

Your choices:
1. Stop thinking. This may kill you.
2. Change potential dating pools. There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you seem to be fishing in a very small, polluted and close-minded pool. Yep - I said it.
3. Wait very patiently (think a lifetime) for that one guy within the LDS who thinks women should lead, think openly, express their opinions, and be well educated and thoughtful - and a whole lot of fun too. Could happen... someday. (insert Mike Myers quote here - something about primates and small sphinctorial orifices...).

Keep in mind that I am outside the LDS - born that way - and have no idea what I'm talking about.

Carrie said...

Dear Darren,

I was once told that if I dumbed myself down A LOT I'd be married in no time. Now, I'm smart, crazy smart at times, but I have yet to figure out how to dumb down. So, that idea went out the window, faster than the soccer idea. Truth be known, I don't run well in groups and I have a slight fear of balls (AH! That might be the real problem).

I've been dating in and out of the LDS world for years. I'm totally open to dating and yep, even marrying, someone who isn't LDS. But I haven't had very much success in that pool either...oh sure, they find me intriguing for a while but then the intrigue wears off and the reality sets in...I'm a quirky, independent, educated girl, who loves to bake and do things for other.

So I guess until I figure out how to dumb down and/or become a super demanding self-centered bitch (I have bitch down, just not the demanding self-centered part)...I shall forever remain a lone girl. Which is so not as awesome as a lone wolf...I'd probably dig being a lone wolf.

Sweet Pea's mom said...

I just found your blog this morning and I love your writing style. Some advice from a smart chick who didn't have a whole lot of dating luck: DO NOT dumb yourself down! You'll end up settling for a guy who's chief qualification as husband-material is that he has a pulse and you will be miserable.

I speak from experience. I married the first guy who asked at 23 and was miserable for 3 years. Got married again at 33 and he was a much better choice.

I'm not LDS but from what I know of the LDS culture - smart, independent-thinking women are 1. Rare and 2. not especially valued. Conformity and letting your family priesthood-holder think for you seems to be more desirable. I think you'll have much more success looking for a husband outside the church.

No one finds the perfect mate. It's a matter of finding one with the qualities that are essential to you (in my case, a guy who cooks!) and deciding if you can live with the traits that are irritating and not smother them in the middle of the night. I want to smother my husband almost daily but then I think "I'm incapable of making my own baby-back ribs and crab cakes" and I put the pillow back. :-)

Darren said...

I would have been surprised and horrified if you had said, "Dumb down?... why didn't I think if that!"

Keep on being you, until I at least get to have coffee with you (purely platonic, think you're a wicked cool lady, nothing more!). You can "dumb down" after that!

Until some fateful day!

Carrie said...

Oh Darren...ya ruined it by putting in the "purely platonic" clause. I know most Mormon girls go from "hello my name is..." to "I wonder what our children will look like" in a matter of seconds, but I'm not like most Mormon girls. Ya made it awkward. Now I'm going to be sipping my hot cocoa worried that you think that I think there's more to this relationship than there is...the hot beverage conversation has been tainted. We may have to skip it and just meet at the mini golf instead. Less reason for eye contact there.

Darren said...

So long as we don't go bowling. I hate bowling. In fact, my all-time favorite activity, especially for a date, is, "Not bowling."

It mostly stems from my growing up in a "non-big-ball-bowling" region of North America. Look up "candlepin bowling" on wikipedia and note the numerous links to "it sucks".

I was sooooo jealous of Fred Flinstone growing up. That sh%t looks fun...

Mini-golf it is. I'll warn you - I beat 2 grade-scholers last time I played. Consider that a taunt.