Guy: "So, you're Mormon?"
Me: "Yepper, I'm a Mormon."
Me thinking: Ugh, this never ends well...for anyone
Guy: "So, what's it's like being Mormon?"
Me: "Ummm, well, I'm what I like to call 'a social leper'. Mormon girls are suppose to get married by 25 and have kids and be stay-at-home moms and never swear. And well, that obviously doesn't describe me."
Me thinking: Ahhhh hell. I just described the 1950's. I am an educated woman who is suppose to be a feminist and I just told this guy that I prescribe to a group that lives by patriarchy and keeps women in stereotypical roles.
Guy: "Married by 25?"
Me: "Oh yes, and really, that's kind of old in Mormon terms. So I've pretty much been a full fledged spinster for ten years now. I'm a social misfit without a helluva lot of hope or prospects."
Me thinking: Shizz, I just admitted that I AM a freak of my freakish culture. He's going to wonder what's wrong with me and why I wasn't snatched up by a Mormon Prince Charming. Coffee. He's going to think I drink coffee. Shiz, what kind of Mormon am I? Well, obviously not a very good one if I'm still single and give people the impression that I drink coffee.
Guy: "Wow, that must be rough."
Me: "Absolutely. That's usually why I end up crying every week during church."
Me thinking: SHUT UP HANSON. God is going to curse you for painting such a bleak picture of the church...THIS IS WHY YOU ARE SINGLE. GOD IS CURSING YOU FOR BEING NEGATIVE.
Guy:"So would you ever date someone who wasn't Mormon?"
Me: "Uhhh, I get asked that a lot. And obviously it would be easier to marry someone of my own faith but you know, I'm open. But the truth is, once a guy hears that I'm Mormon they're generally not interested...yet I'm obviously not the Mormon guy's idea of perfection either."
Me thinking: Mormon culture is insanity. Pure and simple. I mean, I'm smart and tall and funny and take pole dancing lessons...shiz, I'm frikin' A awesome. Who wouldn't want this. Oh yeah, all of those guys you dated who broke up with you for being too Mormon, or not Mormon enough. Hell. This is pointless...I'm feeling hopeless...did I take my anti depression meds this morning? Hmmmm, maybe I should take them again. Oh great Carrie, in order to survive your religious culture you have to be drugged. DRUGGED Hanson. I don't think this is what God had in mind. Well obviously it is, because it's what I'm living. Op, there you go again, being negative. God is NOT going to bless you until you stop being so damn negative. And swearing, you need to simmer that down. F-that, I'm going to swear all I want. You're talking to yourself again...
Guy: "Yet you keep going to church?"
Me: "Yep, I keep going."
Me thinking: I don't understand it either.
Nailing Jello to the wall folks. Jello. to. the. wall.