Thursday, December 1, 2011

Haters Gonna Hate: Kar Kar's Gonna Luv

I have been contacted by quite a few of this blog's readers...considering my 2 month writing sabbatical I don't know if I still have readers...but alas, before I dropped off the blogging world I was getting all sorts of emails and messages and notes and thoughts and critiques and suggestions and even a few prayers.

Some were awesome "you lift me up" Gosh Groban style
 Others were "come to the dark side" Vader-pleas
 A then there were the sincere, "Carrie, writing about all of this just can't be good for your soul" folks.
The latter bunch were mostly relatives and/or optimists who think I've taken my realism a bit too far
So I was really feeling torn about what to do.  I mean, I love writing.  I love seeing the humor in the world I live in, but the notes to "leave the church" and the notes to "come back to the church" were just becoming too overwhelming.

So I just stopped writing. 

And then I slipped deeper into the depression in which I dwell on a daily basis.
And then everything stopped being funny
And I mean everything.

I started to blog several times but couldn't get past the first line.  My mind was blank.
I only read books about the Holocaust.

And ate hot dogs.

And thought about all of the "awesome" LDS guys who will never date me because I'm a smart ass who loves to swear and be negative, and openly talks about trials of faith, and takes pole dancing lessons, and sometimes drinks Crystal Light straight out of the pitcher.

And I've thought about the non-LDS guys who will never date me simply because I'm LDS.

So basically I've done a lot of thinking about how being me makes me totally and completely unlovable.

And who wants to read a blog post about that?
No one.  So I just didn't write.

I didn't write even when my friend sent me a text message telling me that the bishop of her ward pronounced from the pulpit that "everyone (was) called to date".  CALLED TO DATE folks!  As in "GOD IS TELLING ME TO TELL YOU to get your asses off the couch and make some Friday night plans".  Oh how I wish I'd been there.  I would have thrown a shoe at him.  I would have.  And then as the priesthood leaders were dragging me out I would have whipped off my panty hose and screamed from my foaming mouth "kill me now" in Latin to further protest his statement.

But I just couldn't write.

I didn't even write when my friend sent me a text telling me about dating the douchiest LDS douche of Doucheville.

I thought about it.

But I just couldn't do it.
Well folks, the fan(s) is(are) clamoring for some reality...from the eyes of Carrie.  And who am I to disappoint the fan(s)?  So I shall pick my depressed little self up by the bootstraps and get back in the blogging world...full force...with swear words...and crass descriptions...and irreverance.

And no, I will not leave the church, so haters stop hating

And no, I will not tone it down, so haters stop praying and asking me to.

And to KarKar:


Anonymous said...

Oh Carrie... you lift me up... into total laughter (especially when you belt out those songs from the Chrsitian rock station).

Anonymous said...

Oh goodness, I can't even type Christian correctly.

lizzo said...

Me=happier now

KarKar said...

Oh man YOU raise me up Carrie - YOU!!

On behalf of "PRO-Carrie do whatever the HECK she wants Utahn's"... we are grateful. We truly appreciate the time you put into this post. The pictures, thoughts, sayings, and descriptions of the Douchebag of Doucheville,( which by the way, was it the bishop going on about "called to date"?, total coincidence if not) images.

I don't care who wants you to stop church, go to church, how many hot dogs you eat and the sad BUT true Holocaust books you have read, ALL WE WANT IS FOR CARRIE TO KNOW SHE IS THE SHIT & AND SHE MAKES PEOPLE SMILE HUGELY WHEN SHE BLOGS. If you didn't blog, WE STILL THINK YOU ARE THE SHIT!! Also, I'll tell any LDS or non-LDS guy they are totally missing out on the best wholesome bitch ANY of us have the privilege of knowing.... to their face!!

I love ya Carrie - always have - always will

Anonymous said...

Your blog is one of my many therapies (don't feel bad that I haven't been cured). I had this actual thought as I wrote gut wrenching drama into my journal earlier today... "I'd let Carrie read this." It was a random thought from my random mind, but it means you are in my "can handle reality" camp.

That guy in Mexico.

Anonymous said...

Love love love your blog! It is always funny and insightful.

Julie said...

Holy crow!!! YOU LISTEN TO CHRISTIAN ROCK TOO!? I didn't know it was possible, but you have now become even more awesome in my book! :)

"Haters" is a term I also use. I started using it this year, when my divorce became the business of anyone who wanted to stick their nose in where it didn't belong. The following quote helps me with THAT crowd, "Don't try to win over the haters. You're not the jackass whisperer."

Here are a couple more thoughts that help me remember to be me, not what someone else wants me to be:

"Better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you're not." -Andre Gide

"Who cares if you disagree? You are not me. Who made you king of anything?" ~Sara Bareilles (Actually, "King of Anything" by Sara Bareilles is my anthem.)

Whether the rest of us like everything you say and do is irrelevant. Be YOU, Carrie, whoever that is, wherever it leads you.

Angenette said...

Perhaps it's time to moderate comments?

Also, never ever leave me.

Jennifer Babbitt said...

As I am sitting on the couch watch "I didn't know I was pregnant" I catch on the side of my blog that you wrote something. Between the "Sandra is in shock as the baby's head is crowning" and " douche douchiee douchbag" I have wet my pants. Mucho gracias.

I married a man whose family were a part of an off shoot of the LDS church. They practiced polygamy and pretty much ALL of the kids were hurt - severely. The Mainstream LDS church brought them back to the States and he was Mormon for another 23 years. (I know random and vague) My point being, I get where you are coming from. I've seen it with me own ojos. A spiritual journey is private and guess what - NO ONES BIZNESS. I think you are super smart to set your boundaries. Congrats to you!!! Don't forget to keep on doing it. (the boundaries that is)
SInce I am also familiar with "The Depression" I will give one wee bit of advice.

This may be a long cut off, or it may just be for a couple of months. Regardless, tis not healthy to be around it. (Even if they are well intentioned.)

Good Luck!

Natalie said...

Keep writing, my friend. Because you are amazing. Amazing.

Lovelyn said...

I'm glad you're back, but I'm sorry you've been depressed. I only discovered your blog a few months ago and think it's incredibly funny. I wish you the best and look forward to reading future posts.

Klair said...

Oh how I have missed you! Welcome back! I'd also like to give a shout out to my sister Kar Kar for being an amazing gal herself!

Thank you Carrie, for making me laugh and for being 100% is so refreshing!

Anonymous said...

I'm a friend of Kar Kar and would text / email her asking "What the hell, I need my Carrie fix!" I am so happy you are back I cried crocodile tears sitting at my desk. You are LOVED!


Jess said...

Seriously. You freaking rule, also I want some sort of credit for hooking you and Karli up on facebook... I did that!!! I love you, your blog is the shit!! I feel like you put a voice to that vast group of LDS people that don't exactly fit the mold, please, please, please keep blogging!!

Andrew said...

This is wonderful news. Your have killer content. Having only recently discovered it, having it taken away was the cruelest of teases. Frankness and righteous indignation are make a sweet nectar to be read, and woman, nobody makes it like you.
You give voice to thoughts echoed by many of us out there.

Anonymous said...

I have just recently started following your blog and am an inactive 30 something member of the church and I would be SOOOOO sad if you stopped blogging. I think its funny when people try and tell you to stop going to church because what fun would that be, no church, no blog!
I have to say, you actually inspire me to go to church, I think wow, if she can go and keep a fun attitude about being 30 something and single.. then I can too DAMMIT! You have also given me the courage to tell the dirty lds linkupers who want to 'webcam' or send me inappropriate emails to tell them what I really think of them and block them rather than ignore them.

So, in the sake of missionary work, you must keep blogging, my eternal salvation depends on it!!!! Now hows that for a momo guilt trip! ;)

Mrs. "Lawley-Pop" said...

I think your FA-REAK-ING hilarious and have totally missed the smart-assed-ness of said comments!! you are awesome and you make people laugh, and that's super impressive! Keep it up,

much love,

Michelle said...

I am one of the hundreds of people you have never met, but who read your blog regularly, and have come to know and love you in the process. Your humorous, irreverant, and sometimes frank retelling of the way life is for a single, thirty-some-thing, professional woman in the Lds church always makes my day. I for one don't care where your spiritual journey takes you. You are one kick ass traveling companion. Thank you for letting us come along vicariously.

Jdub said...

Carrie, I feel like a peeping Tom. I ran across your blog this morning from a link you posted on a mutual Facebook friend's page. I remember you from high school being a friend of my son's. I admired your individuality then and moreso now. Growing up in eastern Idaho makes it tough to be your genuine self without being considered "wicked" or "disturbed" or a slew of other adjectives. Hope you don't mind me reading your blog and sharing it with my daughter who exited Rigby immediately after high school like her brother did. They are both happy, thriving successful people who weren't considered the "popular" people in high school. I'm happy that they weren't. They're their real selves and doing well as such. Hope you are as well. Keep it up, girl!


i hope you don't mind, but i shared your blog, what you write strikes such a chord... of course,I am on the other side of your coin... the "culture" we live in certainly has it's nuances...but yet we love it in spite of itself..

here's to all of us !!!