Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Deep Down i am a very shallow person

So here is where I confess one of my deepest, darkest, most evil secrets.  And I'm pretty sure some of you may think that you are the focus of thus said evil secret.  And in fact, you might be.  But you might not be because I know a lot of people, in fact this may be about someone I'm not friends with, but then again I might be.  Never the less I'm prepared for an email or two asking if I'm referring to you or telling me I'm horrible, selfish, self-centered or any other number of things I will whole heartily  agree that I am.  So don't waste precious calories asking or saying any of those things, because I've already owned it and I'm not taking anything back.


For years, and I mean YEARS, I have found comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one in the spinster garden.  In fact, for a lot of years the garden was pretty darn packed.  But one by one the flowers have been plucked out and slowly but surely the garden is starting to look more and more pathetic.


But, my inner evil Polyanna has always found joy/peace/solace in the fact that at least the Dandelion hadn't been picked before me.  I'm pretty sure we can all agree that the Dandelion isn't exactly the most beautiful flower, in fact, some consider it an annoying, irritating, WEED.  As for me, I've always kind of like the Dandy, they're small but sturdy and their little yellow puffiness kind of makes me happy.  So while I like the Dandy, I have always put myself above the Dandy as far as "pickability" goes.

I know, totally and completely snotty and exactly the reason why I deserve to be emotionally pushed me down the stairs by God.

But it's true.  I mean, who would pick a Dandy when they could pick a ME?  Not that I'd ever want to be with someone who would pick a Dandy over a ME but still, MY PICKABILITY IS HIGHER.

Or so I thought it was.  I recently heard that the Dandy has been plucked and is on her way to the alter...while ME and a bunch of other weeds are still chilling in the garden.

I won't lie.  I'm irritated.  I mean COME ON!  The Dandy got picked before I did?  What. The. Hell!

I'm tired of hearing about it.  I'm tired of hearing all of the smarmy, ooey-gooey "love of my life", "luckiest girl in the world", "dream come true", "God loves me" bull-shiz that continues to flow out of every alter bound bride.

Bitter much?

Today, yes.

I don't have enough fingers to count the number of first, second, and third marriages I've smiled through.  People, I love you.  I love that you have all found love...once, twice, three, four times.  Fawesome, I'm happy for you.  But seriously, one more "God answered my prayers with the world's most amazing man" followed by a "you just need to keep praying and it will happen to you too" is going make me go postal.  If I hear another "patience is a virtue" or "it's all in God's time" me and my rotting virginity are going to have to be handcuffed, muzzled, and carted off to a maximum lock down facility.

Because I want out of this damn garden.  Patience isn't a virtue, it's a torture device.

The Dandy?  Really?


Sarah said...

You know, I think its when the other glowers in the garden are picked that the rest of us can really have the room to flourish.

Noelle said...

I was 35 and my husband 40 when we got married just over a year ago. I'll spare you the 'it will happen to you speech' because I know how I felt about that same speech. Instead I'll tell you that I just read your post to my husband and he laughed and laughed. We can sympathize...truly...

Julie said...

Can't. Stop. Laughing!

Carrie, I love your honesty. It's so refreshing! For what it's worth, I would have picked you over the dandelion. (Yes, I realize that would mean more if I was a dude.)

Armelle said...

Take confort in knowing that whoever picked the dandelion will be disappoint when it lose it bloom too soon :)

Anonymous said...

My four least favorite words in the English language have been 'your time will come' for years. Meant something at 16...at 34? Not so much.

Love your posts, and can wholeheartedly relate.

Danster said...

You're just another Sheri Dew in the making, sweet heart.

IT's. Going. To. Be. Awesome.

Tyler Young said...

Hi Carrie, been following your blog for a couple of months now. It's too funny. I was a member for 28 years, believed it whole-heartedly, and sat through many a lesson like the one you just went through. Although those lessons were annoying, I see a lot of value in staying a member and I know why you put up with all of this.

I'd love to talk to you. Are you able to see my email address without me posting it here?

Tyler Young said...

Hmm, I thought I was posting on your most recent post. I don't know it posted here. Disregard!

Anonymous said...

hahaha Love this post! Take solace in the fact that Dandy's can only birth more ugly little weeds. Your kids will be cuter. Guaran-damn-teed.