Monday, May 23, 2011

Sorry I'm Not Dumb Enough For Ya

Every now and then someone says something that strikes rage in my soul.  This happened the other day while I was sitting on the couch with my mom.  She shared a comment one of her friends made about me.  Uncle Dick (he earned that nickname for a reason) said something to the effect that I was "pretty enough" but that if I wanted to ever get married I needed to "dumb down".  DUMB DOWN.

This is not the first time I have heard this phrase.  In fact, shortly after I arrived in Minnesota the bishop* of the singles ward* told all of the single ladies the exact same thing.  He even went as far as to tell us how to dumb ourselves down:  don't talk about our education, don't talk about our jobs, don't talk about traveling the world, or ambitions or goals or anything else of substance, and don't be witter than the single guy your with, because it makes them feel bad and no guy wants to date a girl who makes them feel bad.  While he never said what we should do instead, I assume it's not giving blow jobs.  So I guess to be successful marriage material a Mormon girl needs to be dumb...or at least less intelligent than the guys she's around.

Awesome.  That isn't insulting.  And are guys, LDS and otherwise, really so sub par that women have to pretend to be dumb in order to attract one?  I'd like to say no, they are not, but "dumb yourself down" is a reoccurring suggestion in my life.  It's as if tweaking my intelligence will finally make the equation perfect: 


ME - 20 pounds + a sunnier disposition - intelligence + desire to please + better cooking - need for conversation + low expectations + rock solid testimony in the gospel - swearing habit - independent spirit - ability to care for self + dependency = marriage material

I have spent far too many years trying to live my life as an equation.  Subtract something here, add something there, over and over and over and over again, trying to get it just right...it's maddening and not something I care to invest any more time doing.

So, if my love of 13th century Persian poetry makes me unmarriagiable...so be it.

If the fact that I'm working on my 4th degree puts me in the "undateable" pile...I'm comfortable with that.

If in fact, man has de-evolved to the point where dumb girls are the only ones they care to marry and procreate with...then, I pray, may the human race be snuffed out by their own ignorance and stupidity.

Till then, I will live with the hope that men are more intelligent than we give them credit for.

8 comments:

Angenette said...

I think the people who think that are d-bags.
Most men aren't that shallow. Well, at least SOME aren't that shallow.

Dave said...

As I've said over and over, you completely rock, and I have no clue how you have remained single all this time.

Cathy M said...

Oh, NO he didn't!!!! Uncle Dick is a wiener-head.

Anonymous said...

I think after that comment you need to revise your Bishop* definition. The idea that men are the only ones that can seek knowledge and strive to improve themselves mentally is beyond ignorant. I would have stood up in your singles ward and called BS. I feel sorry for your Bishop's wife.

Anonymous said...

I think Uncle DIck is little uncle dick now....... HEY its his birthday today. why don,t you wish him a HAPPY DUMD day. love ma and thanks again for a fun time at your home.

Anonymous said...

Touché Douche, go ahead and shoot the messenger. The message to your Mom was in jest, and not to critcise your intelligence, even though you might flaunt it to the point of intimidation, in which case you will never get that cupcake licked. Love you, Uncle Dick

Armelle said...

Love that equation, except that wouldn't be you at all :)
Just remember you don't need men, you need one man. And frankly, would you want to marry one that loves you for your stupidity?

Anonymous said...

OMG, I found your blog tonight and I love it. LOVE. IT. I'm a forty year old single mom in the church and it ain't easy. I'm cracking up about this post. In the real world.....men don't care about how smart you are. They really don't. They just want to figure out how much work they have to put into the relationship in order to have sex with you. The problem in the church is that their man reason for getting to know you is taken from them. They aren't allowed to want to have sex with you. At least not without feeling guilty about it. So, they have to drill down and past their most basic of needs. That's where the problems begin. Most men who have their shit together are not in the least bit intimidated by strong, smart women. Men in the church are denied their main reason for existence.....they aren't supposed to want to have sex with us. But they still do. But they shouldn't. But they want to so bad. We don't have to dumb it down for men. We just need to let them know what is required of them in order for them to someday sleep with us. Your Bishop clearly has forgotten what men want. Cause trust me......a man with a profession and a future doesn't want to add a dumbass to the mix. Dumb it down......please. It's all about sex. Always has been, always will be. You're my favorite girl in the whole church tonight. And I've been married.....single is way better than a 200lb "Jim sized" rucksac that you have to haul everywhere for decades. You keep on being selective. The last two years of my adult life as a single have been far more enlightening than the thirteen before that! You are, by far, one of the most interesting women on the planet. If that doesn't turn a man the hell on, then it's because he's repressed and doesn't have a plan for his own life. Which means.....200lb. rucksac. And ain't nobody got time for that!!