Sunday, April 17, 2011

Emptiness...

The other day, while lost in contemplation about things like Spring, and happy marriages, and teeth whitening products, I had a personal revelation: there is a HUGE lack of vinyl lettering in my life. And when I say HUGE, I mean I don't own any. Nothing. I don't have any "Families Are Forever" blocks stacked above the fireplace: No "Return With Honor" posted in my entry way:And not a single witty saying adorning a large tile sitting in my kitchen:
None. Zip. Zero. Zilch.

For a second I was gripped with panic at my obvious oversight of this raging Mormon decorating trend and had this brief conversation with myself:

"Self. SELF! This is why you're still single. LDS guys love chicks who slather their homes in faith promoting sentences and proclaim their adherence to gospel principles through nifty uses of flooring items. This is a MAJOR oversight. I have to get some vinyl lettering, and QUICK...before I get a second older and lose all chances of finding an eternal mate. One with whom I can have a family forever and return with honor and BE with..."

For a moment I felt as though my entire identity as a faithful LDS woman was hanging by a thread, at the mercy of a Cricut machine.

But you know what? Not only do I not legally own a wall I could paste some lettering on, nor do I care to sacrifice precious counter space to a dust collecting tile or blocks or a plaque or anything else...but there isn't a saying on this planet that I'd like to give that much commitment to. Sure, I can see myself being witty and slapping, "Welcome to Suckville: pop. ME" on the wall, but that probably doesn't have the same intoxicating affects on an LDS male that "Love Is Spoken Here" would.

I'll be honest. I feel slightly empty and I don't think the answer is as easy as a brief visit to Etsy. I need some passion, something beyond myself that will make me WANT to plaster a gag-triggering, faith-promoting, tear-jerking something on my wall.

Till then, I'll be chillin' in my vinyl letter-less world of selfishness and sarcasm brainstorming something provocatively witty to put on my wall...all suggestions welcome.

9 comments:

Kate said...

Dare I say here that I have a sign in my living room that says "Love is Spoken Here"? And I don't even go to church.

What is it that they say? You can take the girl out of the Mormon Church, but you can't take the Mormon Church out of the girl.

Ba da bing!

Carrie said...

Case in Point: you snagged Ryan.

The Book Goddess said...

I, of course, have made a very conscious choice NOT to have any of these cutesy, vinyl-lettery sayings plastered about. Not. A. One.

Proof that you CAN take the Mormon Church out of the girl!

Emily said...

I don't have sayings of any kind, Mormon or otherwise... partly because I just can't make such s commitment to 1 phrase when my tastes change so frequently, and partly because, well, I'm lazy.

Anonymous said...

I LIKE the one I'm not a bitch but The bitch and it's Miss bitch to you LOVE ma

Anonymous said...

You should just write the uplifting quotes on your bathroom mirror and when you get tired of it (or want to barf) you can erase it and write a new one. Not to mention the toilet is close by in case you really do need to hurl!

Briana McCandless said...

Hey Carrie
So if you do decide to you want to slather some vinyl lettering on the wall but don't want to worry about it messing something up, at michaels and hobby lobby they have vinyl sayings that are already pre-cut and they're removable so you can take them down and put them back up whenever you want without ruining anything.

Anonymous said...

The answer isn't easy....I am still looking for it but I think it is in relationship rather than doctrine or rules set by a particular church. What do you think?

Wayne said...

"He was a wise man who invented beer" - Plato

That should go over well with potential bachelors. And the Word o' Wisdom does say "Mild" Grain Based Drinks. So, what is a mild grain based drink you might ask? Beer. I am pretty certain that they did not have a juice bar in the 1840s that served Wheat Grass soy lattes. So..when they say "recommend" Grain-based "mild drinks" you should take this literally. By the way. This was one of those questions that I loved asking our Seminary teachers. So what do they mean...??? No one seems to know. Nothing..um, nothing to see here....move along folks.

So Beer + Nifty Wall Art + Catchy Quote = well, at least your head will be numb.