Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Why We Stay in the Kitchen

This made me giggle:Because it's totally true. We may not drink alcohol, or do drugs, or smoke things, or have sex for fun...but we do make totally bitching refreshments. The fact that we have to go way outside of the box to satisfy our carnal selves has made us extremely crafty when it comes to cuisine.

For instance: Jell-o. Mormons LOVE their Jell-o. LOVE IT! It's sensually tantalizing, visually stimulating, and that naughty little quiver makes it absolutely irresistible. And we're not virgin Jell-o lovers either, when it comes to Jell-o we like to dirty it up and add all sorts of scandalous nibbits like colored marshmallows and fruit cocktail. We love to encapsulate various edibles in gelatinous suspension. Nothing brings out the beauty of shredded carrots or grated cheddar cheese like green Jell-o. Yes my friends, cheddar cheese.

Mormon's are fawesome with a capital F when it comes to baking and cooking, and creating things that will push you to the point of sinning one of the big sevens: glutony. We delight in slathering things with chocolate and caramel and marshmallows and walnuts and then forming them into fun little shapes like bird nests.We rock the kitchen.

Then there is the Holy of Holies of punch bowl creations: Frape/wedding punch.
I'm pretty sure that the moment the first Mormon married orange sherbet and the righteously caffeine free 7-up the heavens rejoiced and God said, "it is good". From that moment on, frape has graced many a Mormon wedding reception and special occasion. I was reminded of this last week during the youth activity when I was put in charge of making a small trough full of frape for 20 girls and their parents.

Now, making frape isn't exactly rocket science. You dump the fruity sherbet of your choice in a big bowl, and then slather it in bubbly crystal goodness...and wha-la! Fothy magic. But I guess not all Mormon girls are as versed in ye ol' frape making as I am...thus they put me in charge. And let me just say I rocked it...frape was flying and people were guzzling happiness...ok people were socializing with their children and spouses while I was guzzling the happiness, but for the first time at one of those miserable parent/kid functions I WAS HAPPY.

I should drink frape every day.


Sharon T. said...

When I was a missionary in ye ole Seattle, one of the little Spanish ladies in the ward wanted to serve us dinner. We didn't speak Spanish and she didn't speak English. But she knew, just KNEW that the only way to bridge the gap was with Jell-O. She put hot, cooked, taco seasoned ground beef with lettuce, tomatoes, etc in it. It was a sloppy mess on the plate and I was offended that she thought I would like it. But A+ for effort. She proved her testimony that day through Jell-O.

Anonymous said...

I think Utah has the highest consumption rate of ice cream in the country.

swarley said...

I think the degree of glory you receive is directly related to how many foodstuffs you can float in Jell-O.

Armelle said...

What an interesting picture, I though you were going to give us your best tip for hand-washing tie-dye Tshirts :) I don't think I've ever seen frape in ;y life, sounds interesting.

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness! Frape? I haven't had or seen that since I was in Young Womens 25 years ago. It's still around or are Minnesota Mormons that far behind Utah Mormons?

Carrie said...

Frape is classic, as long as there are Mormons, sherbet, and a clear sparkling beverage on this planet, there will be frape