Thursday, January 13, 2011

Youth Activity Night: Don't be a Parable Statistic

There are two biblical parables that have been formative in shaping who I am. 

First there is:
Basically a guy gives a few other guys some talents and some of those guys use their talents to get more talents while one loser hides his talents.  When the original talent giver comes back he rewards those who used their talents to get more talents and condemns the hider.  Moral of the story:  find your talents and use them before you lose them...unless your my mother, in which case the moral of the story is:  God condones gambling.  

The second life altering parable is that of:
This one is a biblical cult classic.  There are these virgins who are waiting for a bridegroom to show up (kind of like an episode of The Bachelor).  So all of these virgins are waiting, and waiting, and waiting (and probably growing on each others nerves and making catty comments about who looks fat, and all of the other things virgin, and non virgin, girls do when put in large groups and asked to wait for a man).  Well, they end up waiting so long that it gets dark.  So they light these little hand lamps (because flashlights and glow sticks hadn't been invented yet) and continue their waiting.  Unfortunately 1/2 of the virgins run out of oil and their lamps go out, while the other 1/2 were well prepared and brought enough oil to last however long it took the bridegroom to leave his bachelor party and make his way to the wedding.  Moral of the story:  don't be a virgin...or don't be a foolish virgin...or something about being prepared.

Point is, I learned at a very early age to nurture my talents and to not spend my time on earth as a foolish virgin.

Now my new calling* requires that I attend weekly youth activities...wholesome, character building activities, like water balloon volleyball and toll painting.  Mindless busywork that is meant to fill you with useless skills and prevent teenage pregnancy.

Folks, that's just not how I roll.  I think women need to learn useful skills.  Skills they can take with them and incorporate into their daily life.  Which is why I skipped this week's youth activity and did my own thing.  Because nothing says "increasing talent" and "non foolish virgin" like an hour of:   
That's right, pole dancing.

While the young women were busy sledding and learning how to make homemade hot cocoa, I was sweating with a pole and dreaming of hooker shoes.
This wasn't my first pole can catch a glimpse of that here.   But it was my first experience of 2011...and this year I've vowed to perfect the "dirty kitten" and "the martini move" as part of my own Personal Progress* program.  I can't wait to take what I learn and pass it on to the girls...just think if I teach the girls the right moves, our ward* will make history at girls camp this year!

I am SO glad they asked me to do this calling*...they can't say I didn't warn them.


Angenette said...

I'd like to see a pic of your stripper shoes

Dave said...

Embracing the calling now?

Carrie said...

No embracing...just trying to get released before my first month is over

Armelle said...

Love it ;)
I've always felt unconfortable withthe Talent Parable, and always reached the same conclusion as your Mom.

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Cathy M said...

Is that toll painting, or troll painting? Though neither makes much sense to me.