Dear brother Topher...this one might embarrass you, read at your own risk.
So, in the spirit of "doing everything I can" in hopes that "God meets me half-way", I've been hanging out* with 'hot rock climbing guy' (HRCG). Now I'm not going to share my secret as to how we met, but let me just say it was magical.
Now, HRCG and I have had five quality hanging out sessions. FIVE! And folks, he HASN'T EVEN TRIED to touch my boobs. Not even a "whoops, didn't mean to put my hand there" or a "oh gosh, they're just so amazing I can't help myself". Nothing. Zip. Zero. Zilch.
So as I was leaving HRCG's house last night (at a respectable hour), I was struck with this overwhelming sense of confusion and found myself saying, "what the hell just (didn't) happen"? Have I mentioned we've hung out FIVE times? FIVE folks. FIVE. In Mormon years (which is VERY similar to dog years) FIVE hang-outs is equivalent to at least three months of solid relationship time.
So, what's wrong with him? Or better yet, what's wrong with me?
Let's start with him: I can't find anything wrong...ok, so he hates mushrooms and we don't see eye-to-eye on all of our movie selections, but beyond that he's kind of top of the pile quality. I mean, he's bought me ice cream and pizza, he took me rock climbing AND canoeing, and spent an entire afternoon walking through a conservatory full of plants and held my hand, I've never heard him drop the f'bomb, nor has he made a single super dirty sexual innuendo. That's some rare quality. Keeper quality.
Now on to me: Why is it I've come to expect guys to try and touch my boobs? Well, maybe because I continue to hold out for that "perfect Mormon guy" who comes with a nice pedigree, "honorable release" from his mission certificate, and looks like an Elder's Quorum president*. I mean, I've gone out with oodles of those and they've all been attempted boob touchers.
In fact, I was talking with Natalie a few weeks ago about the acceptable time line for kissing and we both agreed that if a guy doesn't make a move on the first date, he's basically not that into you. (She dates Mormon boys too).
THAT is what we've been conditioned to accept! So by hang out #5 I've usually already had the "no seriously, you can't touch em" talk AND the "no, I really don't believe in sex before marriage" conversation. But I haven't had either of those with HRCG.
So what makes him different from the oodles of Mormon guys I've dated???...He's Lutheran (or some other flavor of Christian). I'll be honest, I don't know beans about Lutheranism, but this guy is respectful, so whatever they're doing they're doing it well.
Which brings me back to my 5-year inner debate...would it be better to marry a Mormon guy who is a total ass but comes with the right stamp of religious approval, or to marry a non-Mormon guy who is delightfully respectful and drinks on the side? Do you see the conundrum?
Now, before one of you says it let me just go ahead an address it:
"Carrie", you say, "you just need to find a GOOD Mormon guy who comes with the right religious stamp of approval AND is respectful".
Damn, that's some brilliant logic. But chances are if you're saying that:
1. You ARE one of those GOOD Mormon guys who is married to a GOOD Mormon girl.
2. You are a GOOD Mormon girl married to one of those GOOD Mormon guys.
People, I'm afraid the GOOD Mormon boat has set sail and I just wasn't on it (it probably left port that Sundee I decided to skip church AND put gas in my car*).
So what's a girl to do?
Well, I'll tell you what this girl is to do...nothing. I'm going to ride the respectful HRCG boat until he finds out I'm Mormon and throws me overboard. Because I know the moment he finds out I'm an LDSer, he'll be outta there...they always are...it's very tragic...but till then...
FIVE hang-outs and no boob touching!
That's a record.