Friday, November 19, 2010

Wait. What Just (didn't) Happen?

Dear brother Topher...this one might embarrass you, read at your own risk.

So, in the spirit of "doing everything I can" in hopes that "God meets me half-way", I've been hanging out* with 'hot rock climbing guy' (HRCG).  Now I'm not going to share my secret as to how we met, but let me just say it was magical.  

Now, HRCG and I have had five quality hanging out sessions.  FIVE!  And folks, he HASN'T EVEN TRIED to touch my boobs.  Not even a "whoops, didn't mean to put my hand there" or a "oh gosh, they're just so amazing I can't help myself".  Nothing.  Zip.  Zero.  Zilch.

So as I was leaving HRCG's house last night (at a respectable hour), I was struck with this overwhelming sense of confusion and found myself saying, "what the hell just (didn't) happen"?  Have I mentioned we've hung out FIVE times?  FIVE folks.  FIVE.  In Mormon years (which is VERY similar to dog years) FIVE hang-outs is equivalent to at least three months of solid relationship time.  

So, what's wrong with him?  Or better yet, what's wrong with me?  

Let's start with him:  I can't find anything wrong...ok, so he hates mushrooms and we don't see eye-to-eye on all of our movie selections, but beyond that he's kind of top of the pile quality.  I mean, he's bought me ice cream and pizza, he took me rock climbing AND canoeing, and spent an entire afternoon walking through a conservatory full of plants and held my hand, I've never heard him drop the f'bomb, nor has he made a single super dirty sexual innuendo.  That's some rare quality.  Keeper quality.  

Now on to me:  Why is it I've come to expect guys to try and touch my boobs?  Well, maybe because I continue to hold out for that "perfect Mormon guy" who comes with a nice pedigree, "honorable release" from his mission certificate, and looks like an Elder's Quorum president*.  I mean, I've gone out with oodles of those and they've all been attempted boob touchers.  

In fact, I was talking with Natalie a few weeks ago about the acceptable time line for kissing and we both agreed that if a guy doesn't make a move on the first date, he's basically not that into you.  (She dates Mormon boys too).

THAT is what we've been conditioned to accept!  So by hang out #5 I've usually already had the "no seriously, you can't touch em" talk AND the "no, I really don't believe in sex before marriage" conversation.  But I haven't had either of those with HRCG.

So what makes him different from the oodles of Mormon guys I've dated???...He's Lutheran (or some other flavor of Christian).  I'll be honest, I don't know beans about Lutheranism, but this guy is respectful, so whatever they're doing they're doing it well.

Which brings me back to my 5-year inner debate...would it be better to marry a Mormon guy who is a total ass but comes with the right stamp of religious approval, or to marry a non-Mormon guy who is delightfully respectful and drinks on the side?  Do you see the conundrum?

Now, before one of you says it let me just go ahead an address it:

"Carrie", you say, "you just need to find a GOOD Mormon guy who comes with the right religious stamp of approval AND is respectful".

Damn, that's some brilliant logic.  But chances are if you're saying that:
1.  You ARE one of those GOOD Mormon guys who is married to a GOOD Mormon girl.

OR

2.  You are a GOOD Mormon girl married to one of those GOOD Mormon guys.

People, I'm afraid the GOOD Mormon boat has set sail and I just wasn't on it (it probably left port that Sundee I decided to skip church AND put gas in my car*).

So what's a girl to do?
Well, I'll tell you what this girl is to do...nothing.  I'm going to ride the respectful HRCG boat until he finds out I'm Mormon and throws me overboard.  Because I know the moment he finds out I'm an LDSer, he'll be outta there...they always are...it's very tragic...but till then...

FIVE hang-outs and no boob touching!
That's a record.
 

9 comments:

Kate said...

Ahhhh, a Lutheran boy. Good choice. In Minnesota, you can't swing a cat without hitting a Lutheran. What synod is he? (He will be impressed if you know to ask that question.) Missouri Synod and Wisconsin Synod = very conservative, but very much along the conservative beliefs of the LDS Church. Good folk, those Lutherans. If you're in the mood to check out a service, I used to work at Our Savior's Lutheran Church in Excelsior (Highway 7 before you hit Highway 41). They're cool cats.

Debbie said...

I say keep him! After years and years of struggling to date Mormon boys with who were "not as advertised", I decided to marry the good Methodist. After all, it truly isn't good to be alone.

The Book Goddess said...

You know where my vote lies, dearie. Date the boy!!! After all, how could a white shirt and tie be better than having someone who will take you rock climbing AND canoeing? Love is more important than where someone sits their butt on Sunday.

moineau16 said...

Sounds like that fuss over Prince Williams and his Kate this week: everone had been waiting for them to get married for YEARS, and now that he proposes they are all "what is wrong with them?" ;)

Enjoy the moment, don't throw him out because he is too good to be true, and who knows, God may just be meeting you half-way.

Jon said...

This Lutheran kid sounds like a keeper, and in line with the rest of the "fishing" figurative language, you need to get a fish whacker for those other morons, who keep making "moves."

I'm sure they have something like that available in the land of 10,000 lakes, and where ice fishing is like going to the beach.

I love your blogs.

Alisa said...

My Lutheran man has been a good catch (but I'm Lutheran so I guess that was pretty easy). When you tell him that you're LDSer, don't say it with a disclaimer. I love that you're Morman. Plus with all of the commercials, he might think it makes you a rockstar.

Steve said...

I'm just glad this one isn't about me.

-Andy said...

Nothing has taught me better that there are excellent people everywhere than living away from Utah. I've found it refreshing to be surrounded by people who don't believe the same things I do that I still like, where as in Utah I was surrounded by people that believed what I did whom I desired most fervently to hit in the head with a shovel. Thank God for Lutherans who don't try to subtly molest you.

Anonymous said...

Marry someone you love. Chemistry, friendship, hopes, dreams, religion, it all factors in, but nothing about the label will gaurentee you an once of happiness. Life is a gamble, and so is marriage. You can do everything right and it may still go bad. So give up on right and follow your heart, where ever it may lead.

Signed,
Previously good Mormon girl, who married bad boy who agreed to be a good Mormon boy until 8 years later when he decided he really liked being himself more than someone else, who good Mormon girl spent an undisclosed amount of time trying to guilt him into being someone when he was not... years of thearpy....almost divorced...not such a good girl any more, but in love with someone who is happy with himself.