|Dina Goldstein's Fallen Princesses|
While I love you and consider you one of the most brilliant people on this planet, you were a bit of a jerk in high school, so I feel completely justified in making an example out of you.
Thanks for the stupid comment.
Ok, so conversations like this never cease to amazing me (pulled from Facebook):
My status update: Carrie Hanson wants to hibernate.
Dr. T: Do cougars hibernate?
Me: Dr. T, if you were just a little bit closer I'd kick you in the balls
Dr. T: What? You went to BYU!
Me: uh-huh, I'm sure that's what you were referring to
Dr. T: Seriously, you're not old enough to be a cougar. But you are on the prowl.
Me: This morning I realized that if I don't get hitched this coming year then I will be entering my TWENTIETH year of dating! Now if that doesn't make you want to get drunk I don't know what would.
Dr. T: Come to my ward and feast your eyes on all of the 28 year old women who have 5 or 6 kids, have been married for ten years, never got to graduate, from college see their husbands about 20 hours a week, and haven't been out of the house for 6 months. Single life isn't perfect, but it doesn't pay to romanticize the other end of it either.
My initial thought: ah hell, he didn't.
My response: Are you talking about your wife or someone else's?
Now, I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY wish I could say that was the first time I've heard that response to a single person's complaint about being single. Why is it that married and/or divorced people think the "well at least you're not a miserable uneducated housewife" card is the antidote to a single person's desire to not be single any more? Don't people realize that comments like that fall into the same category as these?
Person 1: "We're losing our home and may be homeless."
Dumb Ass 1: "Oh my gosh, sometimes I wish I were homeless. Ever since we remodeled the kitchen and doubled the master bedroom/bath I haven't stopped cleaning! It's such a pain! I hardly have time to go shopping any more!"
Person 2: "My mom has terminal cancer"
Dumb Ass 2: "Well, at least you have plenty of time to watch her die and say good-bye. My cousin's mom was beheaded in a car accident and she didn't have time to say good-bye. Consider yourself lucky."
or my personal favorite:
Person 3: "I had a miscarriage"
Dumb Ass 3: "It's ok, there was probably something wrong with the baby anyway. You don't want a retarded kid do you? My neighbor has a retarded kid, and she has NO life."
Do ANY of those things make ANYONE feel better?
No. They do not.
Neither does someone telling me that I should be grateful that I'm not in a miserable marriage. Every time I hear that I want to scream, "NO SHIT SHERLOCK. Did you come up with that on your own or did Einstein give you a hand in reasoning that one out?"
Folks, I'm THIRTY-FREAKING-FOUR-and-ELEVEN-and-a-HALF-MONTHS-old and intelligent enough to know that if I wanted to be in a shitty marriage I probably could have shanaegled one of them together YEARS ago. Hell, if I wanted to have a house full of kids and a GED I probably could have figured that one out too. Saying "I'm tired of being single" is not synonymous with saying "I would gladly trade my college education, life experience and blessings for a crap-ass relationship and a piece of paper saying I'm *sealed for all time and eternity to a self-centered porn-addicted douche bag". Saying "I'm tired of being single" simply means what it says.
I'm a MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST people. You think YOU'RE relationships are f***ked up? Let's sit down and talk, I will gladly tell you what f***ked up really looks like. I work with f***ked up. You don't have to tell me the statistics. You don't have to share examples of people who've made poor choices in the marriage department. You don't have to point out what I am all too familiar with in some lame-ass attempt to "put it in perspective" or to point out that "the grass isn't always greener".
I get it. I see the flip-side of my life all of the time. Hell, I listen to many of YOU complain about it. I'll be honest, there aren't a lot of you (married/divorced readers) that I'd care to be. In fact I'm grateful YOU made YOUR mistakes so I can learn from them. But don't project your or anyone else's piss-poor marriage on me. I know plenty of people who have amazing IMPERFECT relationships. HAPPY imperfect relationships. It is possible you know. Not everyone is trapped (or was trapped) in a war zone of marital hell.
SO, next time I say, "this morning I realized that if I don't get hitched this coming year then I will be entering my TWENTIETH year of dating! Now if that doesn't make you want to get drunk I don't know what would", be intelligent...either keep your mouth shut, or offer to buy me the first drink.