Thursday, October 21, 2010

"F'd up" is Not What I Wanted to Be

Let's get real for a minute.  When I was a kid, the only thing I wanted to be was a horse jockey.  That's right, I wanted to race horses in Kentucky.  But 'horse' or 'horse jockey' was not on the list of approved jobs for LDS women of the '80s.  (Neither was lingerie designer or race car driver...my other childhood dream professions).  So somewhere after age 8 I caved.  I gave up my dreams of a life full of horses and sexy underwear and bought in to the cultural expectations of being the only thing a girl could (respectably) be:  a mother.

In fact, I was sold the moment I heard this song (off of the platinum album:  Songs for a Mormon Child) and realized motherhood was all about cookies and milk and yellow balloons...
 














So I spent a really, really, really long time learning how to be one kick ass mother.  I babysat up a storm, practiced getting kids hopped up on sugar, learned how to change disposable AND cloth diapers, I baked, learned how to crochet, took up sewing, learned CPR, hell, I even made baby blankets for my future children in 4-H.

And here I am, a bunch of years later with oodles of vintage skills, a pile of peach and mint green blankets, and zero babies.  All I can say is, "I GOT SCREWED".  Instead of stock piling baby killing yellow balloons and searching for the perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe, I could have spent the last 20+ years creating scandalous skimpies and walking the paddock with my racehorse (who would aptly be named:  Run MorNun Run!).  But NOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOooooo I choose "the right" and look where it got me...

Mini-frikin-sota.

Damn tune and it's mind-warping magic...what happened to the "Alternative Songs for a Mormon Child"?  Eh?  Oh yes, THERE IS NO ALTERNATIVE WHEN YOU'RE MORMON.  It's six babies and yellow balloons or bust.

And I'm bust.

I want my money back...and all of those great lingerie making years. 

5 comments:

Amy said...

I blame this song for my unrealistic expectations of growning up as well.

Sarah Humble said...

I loved that album when I was younger. And then as I got older, I completely rebelled against all of it's "musical" teachings.

"I've got a dime in my pocket" and it usually goes twords the next pack of gum I'm going to purchase....

"My teacher told me I should never tell a lie" and now I tell my two year old that if she picks her nose she's gonna get sick and throw up....

Yeah, I'm kinda a bust too. :)

Armelle said...

My husband came behind me as I was watching the song, and he saw the title and said "Oh, poor darling, you really are depressed aren't you?". But I was laughing too hard to answer ;)

Now, to be perfectly honest, I AM working on a mint green baby blanket...

Anonymous said...

"1 little 2 little 3 little, 4 little, 5 little 6 little babies in my home."

That song made my brain and my uterus hurt.

Dave said...

For the record, my 6 year old still says she wants to be a baby giraffe when she grows up. Lately, she has mixed "animal doctor" into the equation, because someone told her she can't be a giraffe. At least she could help the baby giraffes that way.